Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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