am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
