He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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