singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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