I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize