I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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