he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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