and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
