Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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