Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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