I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
