I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
