I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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