i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
