I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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