We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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