You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
