I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
