Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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