Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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