He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
