They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
