If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
