Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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