He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize