When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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