she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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