If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
