She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
