Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
