Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
