I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
