So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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