You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
