How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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