Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
