did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
