I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
