I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
