So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
