There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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