I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
