it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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