i was rollin on her like bob the builder
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
