part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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