best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
