and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
