So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
