bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
