The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
