Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Duck Duck Cougar?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
