do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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