I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
