What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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