I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize