So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
