I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
