If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
