Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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