Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize