Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Say something about gay babies.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
