I'm going to jail i love you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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