Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
