mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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