Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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