That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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