Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
