You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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