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my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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