Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
