Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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