So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize