God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
